Stolen and edited from an article by Gavin Speiller
I believe this year’s election is the most important of our lifetime. The next President of the United States will be seating Justices of the Supreme Court and making decisions that will chart our nation’s course for the next century. We need a strong, principled leader who will not bow to the media like a spineless RINO like these guys…
That’s why I’ll be voting for The Demonic Creature That Emerged From the Depths of Hell.
I’m just as surprised as you are. A few months back when the ground in front of the White House split open, flames shot out and from that emerged a giant, winged demon creature vowing to win the presidential election and bring about “an age of darkness and suffering that will cover the land for all of eternity,” I was just as skeptical as everyone else. Who was this guy with zero political experience who thought he could just waltz through a giant chasm of fire and run for president? None of the pundits took him seriously, but here we are just a couple of months later and he’s polling over 45% nationally.
Now I imagine you’re making the same face that all liberals make when someone tells you they’re voting for The Demonic Creature That Emerged From the Depths of Hell. That dismissive, “Are you for real?” smirk. Yes, I am for real and there are millions of Americans just like me. Who cares that the guy isn’t a politician! Thanks to his ability to retreat into the Earth’s core and emerge with large amounts of gold he’s able to self-fund his campaign. He’s not beholden to wealthy donors or special interest groups. Now he may very well sell out America to the highest bidder, but his opponent has already done that and will continue to do so, guaranteed! He speaks his mind! Like when he says, “The Earth will be scorched and the rivers shall run with blood!” That might sound extreme, but after decades of seeing jobs being shipped overseas to places like, China, Mexico and the Philippines there are plenty of Americans who are angry and frustrated. We’re ready to watch the Earth burn if it means he can actually get something done.
Some say The Demonic Creature That Emerged From the Depths of Hell comes off as aggressive, rude, and bullying. He especially came under scrutiny during the second debate when, in response to the female moderator pressing him for details on a tax plan, he ate her alive. Hey guess what? He is aggressive, rude, and bullying. I don’t like it any more than you do. But his opponent pretends to be nice to your face, stabs you in the back, hides your body, and orders a coverup…like when her “friend” was found with two bullets in the back of his head and it was ruled a suicide. So I ask you, which is worse? The guy isn’t politically correct. No doubt about it, The Demonic Creature That Emerged From the Depths of Hell is going to ruffle some feathers. But his opponent will smooth your feathers while planning how to chop your head off.
Look, I’m willing to admit that he isn’t “presidential.” You’re probably wondering how a guy who is on record as saying, “The nations of the world will bow to me as master and I will feast on their hearts” will be able to deal with other world leaders. You got me. But his opponent will continue sell America to her enemies and lie about it. And if The Demonic Creature That Emerged From the Depths of Hell does get a bit riled up every now and then can you blame him? Just look at some of the things that his opponents and the media have been saying lately:
“He’s clearly evil. I mean, he says that he’s evil. Those are actually his own words.”
“He shouldn’t be allowed to run. He’s not an American. He’s not even a human.”
“He’s eaten multiple people on live television.”
Listen: I know a lot of you think I’m stupid. How could anyone possibly want our next president to be The Demonic Creature That Emerged From the Depths of Hell? Well, the other choice is even worse…much, much worse.